Category: Stress

Resilience Requires Double Vision

Doug Rumford1 Comment

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“How are we ever gonna’ get through this?”

I hear (and ask!) this question frequently, especially as nearly everyone is being told to stay home to slow the spread of COVID-19 (Coronavirus 2019).

And then there are those who cannot stay home because they provide essential services. They have a very different endurance challenge as they ask, “How are we gonna’ get through this while we’re caring for others?”

I am learning anew a very old lesson. It was taught by Jesus in the Sermon on the Mount.

“Set your heart on the kingdom and God’s goodness, and all these things will come to you as a matter of course. Don’t worry at all then about tomorrow. Tomorrow can take care of itself! One day’s trouble is enough for one day.” (Matthew 6:33-34 J. B. Phillips paraphrase).

These verses teach us not only about God’s promises and our priorities, but also about managing our perspective. I am calling this “spiritual double vision.”

Spiritual Double Vision

Jesus teaches us to concentrate on two focal points to develop and sustain our resilience:

First: Focus on the goal (“God’s Kingdom”).

Second: Be in the present moment (“one day’s trouble”).

I see an analogy with what ophthalmologists call monovision with contact lenses. Sounds like a contradiction to double vision, but keep reading! One website describes it this way, “Monovision involves wearing a contact lens on the non-dominant eye to correct near vision, and a contact lens on the dominant eye (if needed) to correct distance vision. Monovision works because the brain is tricked into thinking that the contact lens is actually a part of the natural eye.” (Source: https://www.verywellhealth.com/what-is-monovision-3421638)

In my analogy, one focal point for distance—for the goal. The other focal point for the near—for the present moment.

A Lesson from Cancer Surgery Recovery

More than seven years ago I was diagnosed with prostate cancer. That was a jolt. Double vision helped me get through my treatment and recovery.

People assured me I would be fine, that the Lord would get me through. I appreciated their reassurance. But there was no shortcut to recovery! I would go through a major surgery with significant physical “disruption” at the very core of my body.

Resilience came from disciplined focus. I got too discouraged when I thought about the weeks and months of recovery and the years of testing for recurrence. I drew strength by focusing on what I could do each day. I rested, walked, ate wisely, and paced my responsibilities. I practiced accepting what I could do and releasing what I couldn’t do.

We are all, in fact, stuck in the present moment. There’s no Fast-Forward to get through the sad, scary parts of life. There’s no Pause button to freeze the precious times. And there’s no Rewind for the “If only’s” and “What if’s” that can flood us with regret.

So how do we handle the future?

Looking Ahead Is Like Swimming Underwater

As a child I loved to swim underwater. We had contests to see who could stay under the longest and who could swim the farthest underwater. One thing was for sure: you can stay under, holding your breath, for only so long. Then you must return to the surface to breathe.

Looking into the future is underwater time (perhaps in more ways than one!). I have learned that, in a time like this, I can’t get too far ahead in anticipation without increasing anxiety. I can go there briefly—out of necessity for personal preparation and as a leader—but I must soon come back to the present moment. I just can’t stay under too long.

Be in the Present Moment

It’s the lesson of manna. When the Israelites had escaped Egypt and were traveling through the wilderness, God sustained them with manna. Manna was a miraculous food substance provided daily, with a double-portion given before the sabbath (Exodus 16). Manna, God’s daily provision, is the reference behind Jesus’ prayer for daily bread in the Lord’s Prayer (Matthew 6:11).

We exercise faith, choosing to trust the Lord for today’s provision. Yes, it’s quite literally an exercise in discipline to say, “Lord, I trust you to provide what I, my family, my loved ones need today.” I’ve often said I would prefer to own a “bakery” so I would be assured of bread for years to come. God’s promise, however, is for today’s needs. By faith I know that’s better than my bakery!

Learn to Cope With A Fuzzy Future

One of the resources from Alcoholic Anonymous, Day By Day (published by Hazelden), begins January 1 with this wise insight:

“It is not always easy to do what is necessary today, but it is impossible to change yesterday or to guarantee what tomorrow will bring. Our year will unfold better by living each day as it comes than it will by regretting the past or anticipating the future.”

Real double vision makes everything look out of focus. With spiritual double vision, we have to learn to cope with a “fuzzy future.” But the good news is that we will have far more clarity, peace and strength for the present moment.

Life’s Hard Classroom

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Adult life is filled with illusions that die hard.

As a younger person, I somehow got the idea adults had it all together. I assumed that by a certain age, (probably 40 or so) you knew what to do, had what you needed, and had life all figured out.

If a wry smile comes to your face because of my naivete, I don’t blame you.

It’s likely I was shielded (or simply oblivious) to the sufferings and trials experienced by my parents and other adults around me. And that’s probably God’s mercy.

But then came the time (the first of many!) when I realized it’s not like that at all. Life is hard, a puzzle, an adventure, a roller coaster, a disaster (at times) and all together uncertain and unpredictable.

There are many amazing blessings in life, to be sure. But if we expect to figure life out and get everything “all settled,” we’re in for huge letdown. If we tie our hopes and security to this thing called “earthly existence,” we are in for devastating shocks and crushing disappointments.

One of the most constructive responses to a hard time is to learn from it. We can ask questions like: What is this teaching about myself in terms of my expectations, inner strength, and readiness? About others? About life in this broken world? About God?

There are some situations, however, where we will never find the answers in this life. Especially to the question, “Why?” But there is a way to find strength to press on.

During one tough season I confessed to the Lord that I was tired of “learning lessons.” Enough already! And as I was journaling, it was like the Lord said to me, “Life in this fallen and failing world is the Hard Classroom. That will never change until I return. But be thankful you have me as your Master Teacher to tutor and train you step by step by step.”

That led me to search the Scriptures for passages with the word “instruct.” Here are a few that encourage me greatly.

“I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my loving eye on you” (Psalm 32:8 NIV).

God is a compassionate instructor. “With my loving eye on you” reassures us that the Lord does not scorn us for our lack of understanding. Instead, the Lord renews our minds and directs our steps (Proverbs 3:5-6), often in the very moment.

“I will praise the Lord, who counsels me; even at night my heart instructs me” (Psalm 16:7 NIV).

God meets us in our sleepless nights. When we can’t sleep, we can pray. And we can learn to listen. Don’t dismiss those encouraging thoughts that come, those insights, those memories and scriptures. I often get out of bed for a moment to write them down. I then consider them more carefully in the light of day.

“Good and upright is the Lord; therefore, he instructs sinners in his ways” (Psalm 25:8 NIV)

God does not require we be perfect in order to receive his teaching. He teaches us in the midst of our sin and brokenness, leading us to life.

When we live as disciples (a word meaning “students”) of the Lord in all that life brings, we discover a growing resilience, a deepening wisdom, a more realistic set of expectations, and, above all, the peace and power of God within that pass all understanding.

“So do not fear, for I am with you;

    do not be dismayed, for I am your God.

I will strengthen you and help you;

    I will uphold you with my righteous right hand” Isaiah 41:10 (NIV)

Consider this again, as if the Lord is speaking to you, “Life in this fallen and failing world is the Hard Classroom. That will never change until I return. But be thankful you have me, the Lord your God, as your Master Teacher. I will tutor and train you step by step by step.”

May it be so, Lord, may it be so.

Christmas Reminders: A Prayer in the Rush

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In the midst of the Christmas rush, I need continual reminders to keep my focus on the Lord. I have found it helpful to look beneath my immediate experience to a spiritual analogy. Here’s a prayer I initially wrote for use in worship that I now use regularly during Advent.

Lord, when we rush and rush this season, remind us that the only time You rushed was to welcome home Your returning prodigal.

When we search and search for just the right gift for that special someone, remind us that we are Your special people, and that You gave us the perfect gift in Jesus Christ.

When we weep at the tenderness of care shown in movies and on television, remind us to express that compassion and generosity in our own lives.

When we find ourselves overwhelmed with so many places to go, remind us that everywhere we go needs the light of Your love.

When we feel alone, and everyone else seems to have someone who cares for them, remind us that someone needs what we can share.

When we suddenly realize that we have forgotten You, remind us that we are always on Your mind.

When we get caught up in the good things of this world, remind us that “No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him.”

When we gather with close family members–but don’t feel so close, remind us that you gave us this family to love.

And when Christmas is over, and we are packing up the ornaments and taking out the tree, remind us of the tree on which You gave Your Life so that our lives would never, never end.

Keep your eyes fixed on Jesus. Enjoy his grace and goodness at all times, in all places. A blessed Christmas to you.

Spinning Plates

Doug Rumford1 Comment

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Jugglers are just one of the many entertainers we pay to generate anxiety. As if we don’t have enough anxiety already, we watch death-defying circus acts and terrifying movies that keep us on the edge of our seats. Perhaps it’s a type of catharsis for us: seeing others under more pressure or in worse situations than we are facing may make us feel better. But I’ll leave that to the trained psychologists.

Back to jugglers. They begin juggling a few harmless, ordinary balls, but then toss in a knife, then an ax, then a bowling ball—and we are just hoping they don’t cut off a finger or drop that ball on their toes. I can’t imagine doing what they do— until it comes to spinning plates. When I see a juggler spinning plates I feel like they are talking directly to me.

Spinning plates is what I do! I have lots of energy and very high expectations (we can talk about my Enneagram sometime, if you like…) and get too many plates spinning. It’s no surprise that I can get stressed running back and forth to all the wobbling projects just about to fall.

The good news is that I don’t waste much time on cheap plates. I am spinning many fine pieces of porcelain projects. Right now I’m spinning intentional preaching plans and vision plans, as well as leadership development and coaching plans for several different situations. I spin the usual you-gotta-do-this-to-keep-your-job plates. Oh, and I have a goal for publishing this blog and some other new materials. And did I mention that I’m a husband, father, grandfather and friend? Lot of plates. But you likely have as many.

So here’s the question: What do you do when you’re over-extended, especially with projects you are really interested in doing?

First, look at what’s “driving” each plate. Why did you choose to spin this plate? There are a number of commendable motives. The key is that you affirm that validity of that particular plate. It may not be a plate you would choose (like caring for a loved one with chronic illness), but you know it’s what you are called to do at this time. On the other hand, it may feel a plate imposed on you that you could choose to put down. I think of the pressure Jesus felt to meet expectations for performing miracles. When pressured, he refused to spin such plates (Matthew 12:39).

Second, give yourself permission to put one or two aside for the time being—as in my pause from blog writing. The world didn’t end when I didn’t publish weekly (though I’m sure many were just heart-broken not to have a nugget of wisdom from me… right?) I disappointed myself, but realized that there are seasons not only in the climate, but in life. Ecclesiastes 3:1-11 speaks of these varied seasons:

“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens: 2 a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot… 5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them… 6 a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, 7 … a time to be silent and a time to speak…”

Third, manage your expectations for each plate. This is where your journal and a great listening partner come in handy. As you might have guessed, I feel compelled to give everything my best effort. I’ll never forget my annual personnel review when one of the elders, Wally, said to me, “Doug, we’re very pleased with your work—but also concerned.” “Concerned?” I responded with genuine alarm. “Yes, concerned. You need to learn that not everything deserves ‘A’ effort. We’re not grading you, but you need to figure out a way to get a few ‘C’s,’ or you’re going to burn out.”

Fourth, savor the present moment.  Plate spinners are most alive in the spinning. There will always be more plates and poles and opportunities to spin. Welcome Jesus’ invitation to focus on now.

“Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don’t get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes” (Matthew 6:34 The Message).

Gotta’ run– there’s a wobbler that needs some attention!