Category: Renewing your mind

Thriver’s Guilt: Some Remedies (Part 2)

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Thriver Remedy Generous and Genuine shutterstock_1216857

In my previous two blogs, I have been exploring the phenomenon I call “Thriver’s Guilt.” What do we do with the guilt we feel when we thrive, but others around us struggle? In the first blog (December 2, 2019), I defined it, and in the next blog (December 9, 2019) I shared the first remedy: Be Grateful.

Thriver’s guilt falls under the broad category of false guilt. Genuine guilt is our healthy reaction to violating a law or standard, especially God’s standards. False guilt is the feeling we have done wrong when we have not, in fact, violated a law or standard.

The “remedies” for false guilt are found primarily in the renewing of our minds (Romans 12:2). We correct the lies we are telling ourselves by learning the truth of God’s Word, applied by God’s Holy Spirit.

So in this post, let’s consider two more important remedies (in addition to Remedy #1: Be Grateful) for thriver’s guilt.

Remedy #2: Be Generous

The biblical pattern has always been “blessed to be a blessing.” God’s blessings are for our enjoyment as well as our partnership with the Lord.

The Lord had said to Abram, “Go from your country, your people and your father’s household to the land I will show you. 2 “I will make you into a great nation, and I will bless you; I will make your name great, and you will be a blessing (Genesis 12:1-2 NIV).

We are too easily seduced by the lie, for example, that it’s wrong to have nice things. It’s just stuff–until it becomes God’s stuff. God uses our resources to further Kingdom work in big as well as small ways. If you are blessed with a lovely home, share it. If you are blessed with a small apartment, share it. Whatever we have, the spirit of generosity blesses others and reminds us how much we are blessed.

Generosity and the faithful stewardship of our gifts and resources express the obedience Jesus called for when he commanded us to let our light shine.

“You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. 15 Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. 16 In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven (Matthew 5:14-17 NIV).

God has entrusted us with time, with personality and temperament characteristics, with spiritual, financial and material resources that we are to steward for the extension of his kingdom.

As Paul reminded us:

And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work (2 Corinthians 9:6-8 NIV).

To conclude with one more scripture on this topic, it’s interesting to me that Paul did not tell the “rich” to sell everything and give the proceeds to poor.

Command those who are rich in this present world not to be arrogant nor to put their hope in wealth, which is so uncertain, but to put their hope in God, who richly provides us with everything for our enjoyment. 18 Command them to do good, to be rich in good deeds, and to be generous and willing to share (1 Timothy 6:17-18 NIV).

In his book Gospel Patrons: People Whose Generosity Changed the World, John Rinehart writes about many historical leaders like Tyndale, Wilberforce, Whitefield and Newton — and we could name many contemporaries–who brought redemptive change to their times because of wealthy benefactors (quoted by Steve Perry in Living With Wealth without Losing Your Soul, New York: Rosetta Books, 2016). Steve Perry continued, “It’s not wrong to lay up treasure for yourself! But you do so not by hanging on to every last penny, but by seeking ways to be ‘rich in good deeds.'”

Remedy #3: Be Genuine

Be real both in admitting your struggles and sharing your joys. It’s takes a certain amount of courage to share your joys. Learn to communicate in a way that can be a testimony of God’s faithfulness to encourage people.

Appropriate disclosure is the key. As Proverbs counsels us:

Like one who takes away a garment on a cold day, or like vinegar poured on a wound, is one who sings songs to a heavy heart (Proverbs 25:20 NIV).

So we don’t parade our blessings thoughtlessly in front of those who can’t remember the last time they had something wonderful to share. But Scripture also says,

Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; his love endures forever. Let the redeemed of the Lord tell their story (Psalm 107:1-2 NIV).

We are sensitive to those who are struggling, but we still tell our story about God’s goodness.

It is wise to be intentional about finding safe friends and colleagues who can hear your excitement and satisfaction. But this does not mean we cover-up what God’s doing in our lives.

Be ready for comments from those who are not in a good place. If you sense resentment, do not be defensive. Focus on the person. You might ask, “So, would you like to share what’s going on?” Deep down, we are all longing for affirmation, for validation, and for assurance that we matter to each other and to God.

The fundamental principle for community, both for those who are doing well and for those who are struggling is the same:

Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn (Romans 12:15 NIV).

There’s much more to share, but I hope this gives some ideas for handling false guilt in general and Thriver’s Guilt in particular.

Be Grateful: Receive God’s good gifts with humility, always remembering the Giver.

Be Generous: Share what God has entrusted to you.

Be Genuine: Let your light shine in ways that meet others with compassion and encouragement.

Thriver’s Guilt: Some Remedies (Part 1)

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Thriver Remedy Gratitude shutterstock_729671911

In my previous blog, I presented the phenomenon I call “Thriver’s Guilt.” That’s the guilt we feel when we succeed and do well when others around us, especially those we care about, do not. What do we do with the guilt we feel when we thrive, but others around us struggle?

Thriver’s guilt triggered an unhealthy dynamic of self-consciousness by which I became embarrassed by any signs of “success” in my life. I felt I had to apologize and minimize when things were going well. I also became self-deprecating in my conversations and presentations. I was reluctant to share the blessings I was experiencing.

Thriver’s guilt falls under the broad category of false guilt. Genuine guilt is our healthy reaction to violating a law or standard, especially God’s standards. False guilt is the feeling we have done wrong when we have not, in fact, violated a law or standard.

The question is: have we truly done something wrong? Compare the warning lights on a car dashboard with the conscience. When a light comes on, we need to discern whether it is indicating a genuine problem, or whether there’s a short circuit in the warning light itself.

In our lives, it may not be a problem of faulty lights, however. It may be that we have many “extra” warning lights that continually flash, giving us false information.

False guilt is spiritually corrosive. It denies God’s truth and undermines our experience of grace. False guilt disrupts our relationships, draws our focus inward, and robs our joy.

The “remedies” for false guilt are found primarily in the renewing of our minds (Romans 12:2). We correct the lies we are telling ourselves by learning the truth of God’s Word, applied by God’s Holy Spirit.

So what about thriver’s guilt? Because I want to respect the relative brevity of a blog post, I will share my remedies in two posts. In this post, I want to consider the most important remedy.

Remedy #1: Be Grateful

Be grateful and receive God’s blessings with humility.

Enjoying the good things God provides does not mean we are materialistic, nor that we are spiritually immature.

We are too easily seduced by the lie that “poverty is a virtue and success is a sin.”

We may have a tendency to believe poverty is the ideal condition for true spirituality based on Jesus’ exhortation to the “rich, young ruler” to sell all he has in order to follow Jesus (Mark 10:17-22). Here’s part of the encounter:

21 Jesus looked at him and loved him. “One thing you lack,” he said. “Go, sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.” 22 At this the man’s face fell. He went away sad, because he had great wealth.

This one incident, however, was not meant to be a prototype for discipleship any more than being a literal fisherman was required to make us “fishers of men.”

Jesus was addressing this man’s idol. The Lord calls us to turn from anything we value more than the Lord. But that doesn’t always require literal all-or-nothing decisions.

For example, if a person struggles with ambition and success, Jesus would not counsel that person to fail. If a person struggles with beauty, Jesus would not counsel that person to become deliberately unattractive and unwashed. We must be careful not to move from specific situations to general principles too quickly.

God blesses his people. Think of the amazing beauty and delight of the Garden of Eden and the splendor of the New Jerusalem. We honor the Lord by appreciating these blessings and remembering their source. Deuteronomy 8:7-18, spoken as God’s people were preparing to enter the Promised Land, clearly presents this principle.

7 For the Lord your God is bringing you into a good land—a land with brooks, streams, and deep springs gushing out into the valleys and hills… 10 When you have eaten and are satisfied, praise the Lord your God for the good land he has given you. 11 Be careful that you do not forget the Lord your God,… 17 You may say to yourself, “My power and the strength of my hands have produced this wealth for me.” 18 But remember the Lord your God, for it is he who gives you the ability to produce wealth, and so confirms his covenant…

Blessings are expressions of God’s goodness. Gratitude reminds us that God is the giver.

If Sarah and I give wonderful gifts to our children, we want them to enjoy those gifts to the fullest, with due appreciation. To reject the gift would feel like a rejection of our love.

But there’s more to this subject. This remedy alone could be perceived as a “bless me” gospel that does foster worldliness and self-centeredness.  So please keep reading! In my next blog post, Thriver’s Guilt: Some Remedies (Part 2), I suggest how to manage our blessings faithfully and interact with others compassionately.

Soul Breaks

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The title “Soul Breaks” could suggest many subjects, but I’m using it in the sense of a break time for spiritual nourishment, for refreshment—like “coffee break” or “lunch break.” Breaks are essential to pace us in the midst of life’s workload and responsibilities. How do we make the most of our “breaks”?

It may help to begin with the importance of spending a significant amount of time with the Lord each day for Bible reading, prayer and seeking God’s leading for the day. People debate about the best time for a “quiet time” with the Lord. Most opt for morning, based on Jesus’ practice described in Mark 1:35, “Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed” (NIV). Others say they spend time with God in the evening. I’ve always based my choice on the observation that the best time for a musician to tune her instrument is before the performance, rather than after it.

This discussion, however, too often misses our need for spiritual nourishment throughout the day. “Soul breaks” can be opportunities for spiritual reading. Spiritual reading is reading for the heart. Our focus is not on assimilating content, but on using the reading to deepen our awareness of God and of the many-faceted spiritual dynamics at work in our lives.

The best comparison is the difference between reading the newspaper and reading a love letter.

The newspaper is given a quick scan and discarded. A brief love note, however, is read over and over again, not for the content, but for the sense of presence and emotional connection it inspires.

When we read in this way, we savor the message, prayerfully letting the words soak into our hearts and minds. The goal of the reading is to put us in touch with the Lord. The classic expression of this discipline comes from Baron Friedrich von Hügel (1852-1925), an Austrian Catholic layman who served as a spiritual director to many.

“That daily quarter of an hour, for now forty years or more, I am sure has been one of the greatest sustenances and sources of calm for my life. Of course, such ‘reading’ is hardly reading in the ordinary sense of the word at all. As well could you call the letting a very slowly dissolving lozenge melt imperceptibly in your mouth ‘eating’. Such reading is, of course, meant as directly as possible to feed the heart, to fortify the will–to put these into contact with God–thus, by the book, to get away from the book to the realities it suggests…”  Baron Friedrich von Hügel, cited in John Baillie, A Diary of Readings (New York: Scribner’s Sons, 1955), Day 1.

The goal is not quantity, nor is it the intellectual mastery of content. Spiritual reading could also be compared to taking a vitamin tablet. The size of the tablet is small compared to a normal meal, yet it gives essential nutrients to our bodies. So with spiritual reading. A small portion can help fortify the soul for the day.

How do you practice spiritual reading? Read a little (usually from a classic devotional book like Oswald Chambers My Utmost for His Highest or a book on spiritual growth) then stop when you come to one thought that stirs your spirit. It “jumps out at you.” That is a morsel of grace for you to savor. That’s the “lozenge” von Hügel mentions. Sit still and meditate on it. Journal it. Write the phrase or sentence at the top of a fresh page of paper then write your heart-response to it. You may turn it into a prayer. Then, return to it at the end of the day, reflecting on what it meant.

I could list dozens and dozens of books (and have in my book, SoulShaping, page 272), but I’ll leave that to your discovery. And, by the way, I hope this blog provides a Soul Break for you.

Who do you really want to be?

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I often remind myself that Jesus did not die on the cross so we could remain the same. Jesus died, rose from grave, ascended into heaven and is coming again in order to make us new creations who are living into that new life now and for eternity. Through faith in Christ, we are new creations.

This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun! (2 Corinthians 5:17 New Living Translation, NLT).

Is that true in your experience? Are the old ways changing? What does that new life look like? Another passage from 2 Corinthians makes a breath-taking assertion and affirmation:

And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being changed into his likeness from one degree of glory to another; for this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit (2 Corinthians 3:18 RSV).

The key to change is not simply knowing we “should” change, but firing up our emotional engagement to desire and seek change. That starts with vision. We are being changed “from one degree of glory to another!” Like Moses’ face when he experienced God’s presence (see Exodus 34:29-35). If you could really change things about yourself, what would you really like to change? If you could really experience a new way of thinking, speaking and behaving, what characteristics would be top on your list? Here’s the amazing promise of the gospel: God is actively pursuing change in us. This is not a DIY (do it yourself) project.

Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed, so now, not only as in my presence but much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling; 13 for God is at work in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure”  (Philippians 2:12-13 Revised Standard Version (RSV).

We often have vague ideas of the person we truly want to be, but don’t take time to get specific. When you begin to see the person you really want to be, you begin to move toward that vision. Start a list of the qualities you hope to develop, those characteristics you sense God the Holy Spirit wants to shape in you. I began a list for myself and eventually compiled it into this format. I call it “PICTURE A LIFE…”

Picture a life in which…
Joy carries you through the day,
and laughter comes as naturally as breathing.
You are not lured by that which would destroy you,
but are drawn to that which builds you up.
You can trust yourself–
having control over your thought and words,
over your responses and reactions.
You live above the distractions and deceptions of the world,
being a non-anxious, very real presence to others around you.
You have no need to hide.
You can look others in the eye, valuing them for themselves alone,
not for what they would give you.
You find courage to face every conflict honorably,
and strength to fulfill every responsibility faithfully.
You endure suffering with courage,
able to live with the questions.
You can admit when you are wrong:
You can say, “I’m sorry,” and begin again,
and are gentle with yourself,
renouncing the chains of shame, and self-condemnation.
You are connected to God who created you as you,
and are becoming all that God created you to be.
You are at peace in all circumstances,
celebrating God’s faithful provision in times of abundance,
trusting in quiet contentment in times of want.
You are free to serve others willingly,
without thought or need for thanks.
You have the freedom to live for an audience of One.

Picture such a life–
For it is meant to be yours.

(Copyright, Dr. Douglas J. Rumford, SoulShaping: Taking Care Of Your Spiritual Life, Wheaton: Tyndale House Publishers, 1996, pp. 60-61)

Energy comes from holy imagination. Hope comes from seeing that change is possible. Jesus Christ died so that he, by the power of God at work within us, could transform us into daughters and sons of God who live in freedom and joy, who serve in power and grace. Work in us, Lord!

Ctrl+Alt+Del

Doug Rumford1 Comment

“Ctrl+Alt+Del” can be a powerful daily cue for spiritual focus.

keyboard

Ever go through a routine for the umpteenth time and suddenly ask yourself, “Huh, I wonder why we do this?” That’s what happened recently when I turned on my computer and the “Ctrl+Alt+Del command” appeared on the screen (Ok, so now you know I’m a PC user, not a hip-and-cool MacBook guy). So I did the search thing and found an article in Wikpedia (it was adequate for this) that explained it this way:

Control+Alt+Delete (often abbreviated to Ctrl+Alt+Del) is a computer keyboard command on IBM PC compatible computers, invoked by pressing the Delete key while holding the Control and Alt keys: Ctrl+Alt+Delete. The function of the key combination differs depending on the context but it generally interrupts or facilitates interrupting a function.

This is known as a “soft reboot,” or re-start function.

Well, enough nerd talk. Looking beyond it, I see a message for spiritual health. One of the keys to spiritual vitality is learning to become aware of God and pay attention to our spiritual welfare throughout the day. In my first blog post, “Stop, Look and Listen,” I shared the concept of Cues and Clues: Cues and clues to life’s deeper meaning and purpose surround us in every moment. But it’s so easy to miss them. This is one of them: “Ctrl+Alt+Del” can be a powerful daily cue for spiritual focus. The keyboard can “interrupt” our normal, too-often-nonspiritual, functioning so we can spiritually reboot.

First, “Ctrl” or Control reminds us to “release Control to God.” One of our greatest burdens in life is thinking we have control and that we have to make things happen. On the flip side, one of the most discouraging things in life is feeling powerless and out-of-control. Faith brings us back to the awareness of God’s kind, loving oversight of our lives. I draw great strength from Jesus’ words,

“Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? Yet not one of them is forgotten in God’s sight. But even the hairs of your head are all counted. Do not be afraid; you are of more value than many sparrows” (Luke 12:6-7 New Revised Standard Version NRSV).

That kind of reassurance takes me a long way toward trusting God more and more with more and more. I could list many more passages from the Bible, but let’s move on.

Second, “Alt” invites God to “Alter our mind, heart, soul and way of living.” I believe Jesus’ followers want to live differently. We don’t want to be stuck in the same dark thoughts, the same lousy habits, and the same undisciplined, worldly-driven lives. And, praise God, we don’t have to stay stuck. God is in the change business. That change starts with the fact that we have the mind of Christ (1 Corinthians 2:16). God has given us the Holy Spirit to change us completely from the inside out. But that doesn’t happen automatically. God has designed us to mature by inviting the Holy Spirit, God’s power within us, to lead us into the fullness of life in Christ. The Holy Spirit helps us think like Jesus. The Holy Spirit empowers us to act like Jesus. The Holy Spirit is shaping the life of Jesus within us. Here is the staggering description of what God is now doing in us:

Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. And all of us, with unveiled faces, seeing the glory of the Lord as though reflected in a mirror, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another; for this comes from the Lord, the Spirit (2 Corinthians 3:17-18 New Revised Standard Version NRSV).

That is life-altering, friend! “From one degree of glory to another.”

And third, (you can see where this is going, right?) by God’s grace in Jesus Christ, God “Deletes the sins that still preoccupy our thoughts.” Many of us live with a low-grade depression because of regrets that weigh us down and because of thoughts and behaviors we can’t seem to release. A daily (or more frequent) spiritual reboot reminds us that God is not surprised by our sin. In grace and mercy, God’s Spirit continues the work of healing, restoring and strengthening us to overcome sin’s power.

If we confess our sins, he who is faithful and just will forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If we say that we have not sinned, we make him a liar, and his word is not in us. My little children, I am writing these things to you so that you may not sin. But if anyone does sin, we have an advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous (1 John 1:9-2:1 New Revised Standard Version NRSV).

So when you log on to your computer, let “Ctrl+Alt+Del” be your log-in to Jesus and the Spirit’s power.